Well, it seems I have a bad habit of not being able to finish what I've started when it comes to the magnificent world of the interweb. As in the past, I have grown bored with this medium and am shutting down this blog.

But, not to worry...

I am in the process of rebuilding Karrine.com, using Tumblr.com, and intent on giving you guys the same sort of content there. The site will also have it's own Twitter and Facebook pages. I am making the changes just so that everything stays cohesive and in one place.

More to come...

See more photos here.

I haven't been blogging much because I have been busy. This happens all the time. Those who have folowed my progress over the past six (6) years know this pattern; I start intenet communications and a few months later, I'm over it.

I just like to work and communicate through my work - not through the internet.

So, there is no telling what will happen to this blog as I get busier and more focused on the next leg of my journey through life, love, and labor. In the meantime, SatisFaction is on its way and I couldn't be less enthused.

Still, the show must go on - as they say - so, there will be a series of pre-publication and post-publication signings and events, in Los Angeles. There will not be a physical tour, maybe just a bit of radio - maybe.

Who knows.

Oh, and let me apologize ahead of time for my publisher's thoughtlessness in putting this book together. Because some publishers are having a difficult time adjusting to the way technology has changed the way we read books, they have cut corners in order to save money. The cover art is blurry and pixelated, the jacket, pages, and printing are cheaply done, and there is no pink in this book where intended, as this book is the sister to The Vixen Manual and was meant to share the same design. Also, and most of all, I am so sorry they are charging you guys $24.99 for SatisFaction. I will be sure to make copies available for you all for a significant fraction of the retail price and get those out to you, signed, through The Boutique at Karrine.com.

Moving on...

Right now, I am more focused on my televsion project with Fox TV Studios. The success of this scripted series rests on my shoulders, as the show's creator, and it deserves all my energy and efforts. And, like everything else I have set my mind to accomplish, this is destined to be a success because there is no option.

So, forgive me if I am not as visible online as I have been.

Anyway, That's the latest; I've gotta run for now but, as always, I'll be around.

Hmmm...who knows where I'll pop up next...

Forget Eat Pray Love...

Drink Fuck Sleep is an anthology of regrettable sexual experiences in which alcohol was involved or to blame.  This anthology is being written by the members of the Drink Fuck Sleep Meet-Up Group and edited by yours truly.  Once the anthology is written and edited, it will be published by Steffans Publishing and marketed for the world to read!

The Drink Fuck Sleep Meet-Up Group is a membership group which collects a yearly membership fee of $24.99 –– that breaks down to about $2.08 per month. This fee will be put to good use, paying for all editing, publishing fees, and design fees, as well as compensation for the writers whose essays are used in the final, printed version and ebook version of Drink Fuck Sleep.

Essays that are not used in the book, will be printed on the Steffans Publishing blog, for the world to read. Still, if your work is not chosen for this particular anthology, don't worry, there'll be another anthology project right around the corner!

The goal is to change the group's focus every six months, giving everyone a chance to write an essay on a new topic and to be published. The best of the bunch will be chosen, edited, and added to the book; all others will appear on the blog.

Proceeds from sales of each anthology will be funneled back into the group to fund bigger and better meet-ups and anthology projects.

Members of the Drink Fuck Sleep Meet-Up Group will stay in constant contact and meet in Los Angeles once a month, at the very least. Members, however, don't have to live in LA and can start mini chapters of the group in their own city and stay in touch with me and all members through social networks and online meetings. Naturally, when I travel, I'll host a meet-up in the city I'm visiting –– other group members can do the same.

Now, this is still a fresh idea and I am working out all the kinks. Please, feel free to offer suggestions and ask any questions you may have on the Drink Fuck Sleep Meet-Up Group page or on the Drink Fuck Sleep Facebook Page, if you are not yet a member.

Okay, so, I tried to quit eating meat –– with the exception of fish. And that last approximately 5 days. All I have to say is that I'm happy I don't have a drug or alcohol issue because I'm not so good at quitting things.

Anywho...

So, I happily and anxiously seasoned a couple choice cuts of steak and decided to do something I've never done –– made a chutney.

Now...

I could have looked up the recipe online, but I decided to just wing it.  I cut up an apple, a pear, and a mango, then stewed it all down in butter and sugar, added a few dashes of cinnamon, a capful of vanilla essence and...

POW!

I put the chutney over my steak, made a side salad and couldn't get enough. As for being a pescetarian, I've failed.  But, I will cut down on my red meat and pork intake and try to indulge just once or twice a week.

Maybe just on the weekends.

So, I'm talking to my little sister and going on and on about my determination to make a chocolate cake from scratch for the very first time. I find a recipe online, gather the ingredients, and prepare to make the most awesome cake this side of Beverly Hills.

Ingredients

• 2 cups boiling water
• 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 2 1/4 cups white sugar
• 4 eggs
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease 3 - 9 inch round cake pans. In medium bowl, pour boiling water over cocoa, and whisk until smooth. Let mixture cool. Sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt; set aside.
2. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at time, then stir in vanilla. Add the flour mixture alternately with the cocoa mixture. Spread batter evenly between the 3 prepared pans.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes. Allow to cool.

And, ofcourse, I topped this cake with my famous cream cheese icing!

Ingredients

• 2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 2 cups sifted confectioners' sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, cream together the cream cheese and butter until creamy. Mix in the vanilla, then gradually stir in the confectioners' sugar. Store in the refrigerator after use.

My sister decides to make a chocolate cake –– from a box –– and top it with icing out of a canister.

I laugh and challenge her to a dual!

So, via iChat, we got to work...

My ingredients...

Her ingredients...

My batter...

Her batter...

Her cake...

What in the f*ck happened to my cake???

I have to admit, I did not follow the directions and refused to add the boiling hot water to my cake mix. This may or may not be the reason why my cake looks like I sat on it.

Ugh, and putting icing on the stupid thing was a challenge and a half!  I couldn't wait for the cake to cool because my sister was already icing her cake and I wanted to beat her.  But, the minute I started putting that cream cheese frosting on my warm sunken cake, it all started melting off and pooling in the center, causing a massive collapse!

Meanwhile, this jerk-face gloated...

What a f*cking cake cunt!

So, I rushed my cake into the refrigerator, hoping to save the icing –– which worked.  In the meantime, I roasted some almonds in the oven, put it all together and POW!

Cake!!!

Now, it may have taken me an extra hour and a half to get this cake fiasco under control, but I think my cake –– dent or no dent –– came out looking friggin' awesome.  And, I don't care what my sister says –– I won, dammit!

Dear Ex-Husband,

While you were Twittering with Marlon Wayans, proclaiming I was a stalker (among other things) did you tell him how you dropped your restraining order against me?  Hmmm...did you tell him that you've been over to my place at least 10 times in the last month?

And, if you try to deny it, I'll have the guard pull up the drive-on records.  Thanks.

And are you telling the lovely people on Twitter how you told me you want to repair our relationship and that I am the one who is not interested? That I told you, "we can be familiar, but we cannot be friends" much less anything else. How about when you told me I'd "have to remarry" you. And what about when you talk about the kids we're going to have? And how much you love me and can't stay away from me?

Are you telling them that?

No. You're not.

And let's address your claims that I'm a bad mother. Remember how you put that out there? Yet, you're the one fighting in court for custody of your kid because you took him from his mother and she wants her son back –– and for good reason!  And what about those two child abuse cases against you with the Special Cases Unit of the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services?

Good daddies don't have those.

But, you're not telling Marlon Wayans and the rest of the Twitter-verse that sh*t, huh?  No, you're not. Nor have you mentioned that you called family services on me after they first came to investigate you out of revenge when it was your son's mother who reported you and not me.

So, riddle me this –– if I'm such a horrible person, why are you still around?  And why are you so quick to bash me, publicly, but not so quick to jump on Twitter and tell the whole world that you're trying to reconcile with me?

And that you spent over an hour on the phone with my father, yesterday, and that you still call him "Dad". You've never even met the man!

Knock it off.

Did you Tweet about the money you gave me for household bills just last week? And even before that?  Or a few weeks ago when you took my kid out for the day? Or about the days we just spent in June, laying around the house, eating, drinking, laughing, and just being cool with eachother? What about all the times before that?

No.  You don't tweet about that.

And did you tell Marlon Wayans that you invited me to the set of that pilot?  And that I got a text message from your phone that was meant for another woman and that's why you got your ass embarrassed on set?

No. You told him I just showed up like a stalker.

But, you married me anyway, didn't you?  Do I have to post the license? And who marries a stalker?  Who marries a bad mother?  Who marries a horrible woman.  And, who still comes around after the divorce if a woman is so bad?

Oh...

And did you tell the public about the 550 pound porn star with whom you had an inappropriate relationship while we were married?  And that you filed for divorce the day after I discovered the emails? And that you stole my computer when you left, thinking you'd gotten rid of the evidence? Well, that's what wireless back-up systems are for.

And don't deny it. I still have the emails and all the pictures and videos she sent you.

You didn't tell the people that, did you?

And I won't even talk about all the times you've choked me or beat me with belts –– and that time you were on probation in 2004 for roughing up another woman.

Yes, I have the court documents to support that, too. Van Nuys Court Case #4PN02221

Yet, you want people to believe I'm lying about the documented abuse in our relationship? With 6 police reports to support it?

Why don't you Twitter about these things?

And the time I jumped on the back of your car to avoid getting ran over...did you tell the people that you made my son cry that night? All that day? Because you promised you would come for him and you never did? That you'd been promising him for weeks and never showed up for him?  And how that broke his heart?

I don't know one mother that wouldn't track your sorry ass down, demand the $5,000 ring off your finger that she bought, and proceed to let you have it!

I guess you forgot to Tweet about that, huh?

And does anyone realize you've been married and divorced three times? This is what you do. This is who you are.You're the common denominator.

It's just crazy that you pick and choose what you want to announce to the world and, while you're happy to degrade me in public, you find it impossible to tell everyone how much you love me and want so much to repair this bullsh*t relationship. How you can't stay out of my life or out of my bed –– how you leave work and head to my place for dinner and to spent time with my kid, talking and playing video games, insisting you want to "find a way to make this work."

See, all my dirt is in the open. I put it there. But, I've been silent for years, haven't I? There is so much I have not said. Unlike you, I don't have to pretend to be good. I'm a bad girl by design. But, I rather be that than a coward and a liar. And I don't have to proclaim someone else is bad to make myself look good and I don't feel the need to have anyone on my side.

I operate better alone.

When I told you how much the things you say in public hurt me, you laughed at me and said it was all "so insignificant."  The strange thing is that when you're disrespectful to me, you think it's funny –– but, when I get disrespectful, you stop laughing.

Why is that?

....to be continued

I have officially deemed July as another Make-Over Month.  It seems I may have to do this every season. It's only right.

Anywho...

I woke up this morning and washed and conditioned my hair with my tried-and-true ABBA haircare system. I get alot of questions about the products I use and why. Well, I use ABBA's Moisturizing system, which boasts an impressive list of ingredients:

Shampoo: Botanical Infusion of: [Water (Aqua) (Eau), Symphytum Officinale Rhizome/Root Extract, Geranium Maculatum Extract, Urtica Dioica (Nettle) Extract, Yucca Filamentosa Extract], Sodium Methyl Cocoyl Taurate, Cocamidopropyl Hydroxysultaine, Myristamine Oxide, Sodium PCA, Glycerin, Propylene Glycol, Glycol Stearate, Wheat Amino Acids (150 mw), Polyquaternium-10, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein (1000 mw), Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein (2000 mw), Hydrolyzed Wheat Starch, Mentha arvensis Oil (*Wild Mint), Disodium EDTA, Citric Acid, Limonene, Phenoxyethanol, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, ABBA Aromatherapy Fragrance (Parfum).

Conditioner: Botanical Infusion of: [Water (Aqua) (Eau), Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Extract, Salvia Officinalis (Sage) Leaf Extract, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Cymbopogon Schoenanthus Extract, Quercus Alba Bark Extract, Hamamelis Virginiana (Witch Hazel) Extract, Rosa Canina Leaf Extract, Symphytum Officinale Extract, Achillea Millefolium Extract, Melissa Officinalis Extract, Geranium Maculatum Extract], Cetearyl Alcohol, Cyclomethicone, Isostearamidopropyl Morpholine Lactate, Stearalkonium Chloride, Behentrimonium, Methosulfate, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Dimethiconol, Glyceryl Stearate, PEG-100 Stearate, Mentha Arvensis Oil (*Wild Mint), Hydrolyzed Soy Protein (1000 mw), Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein (2000 mw), Hydrolyzed Wheat Starch, Lupin Amino Acids (150 mw), Tetrasodium EDTA, Citronellol, Eugenol, Geraniol, Limonene, Methylparaben, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, ABBA Aromatherapy Fragrance (Parfum).

Okay...

So, I washed my hair three times, to be sure it was super duper clean, then, added the conditioner.  I brushed the conditioner through my hair with a paddle brush, sectioned it off into four little buns, and covered it with a conditioning cap and, then, a towel.

Shampoo...

Conditioner with cap...

Conditioner with cap and towel...

After the blow dry and on my way to Ray's house to have my hair pressed.

Or so I thought...

***** DRAMA ALERT **** DRAMA ALERT **** DRAMA ALERT **** DRAMA ALERT ****

So, I pack up my kid and we head over to Ray's house, where he does hair because he doesn't have a shop.  Anyway, I get there at 10am –– which was my scheduled time.   I set up my son in the living room with his computer and something to watch on TV, head to Ray's make-shift salon/wood shack/outhouse and wait.

And wait...

And wait...

Ray's busy cutting a man's hair –– for FORTY-FIVE minutes –– then, spends another 15 minutes washing, trimming, blowdrying, and styling this guy's hair.

My son and I are officially late for the 11:30 showing of Transformers 3 and he is so disappointed.

So, I call Kacey over at Trust Salon in West LA and make an appointment to see her at 4:30 this afternoon, in the event I decided to walk out or if Ray tried to charge me his regular $50 after being made to wait an hour.

Anyway...

When Ray was finally finished with his client, he asked if we could speak.  I followed the Queen's Majesty outside and listened to her gripe about statements made on this very blog! (It's just nice to know people are reading.)

Anywho...

Ray's beef was about my opinion of his products and services, some of which I dislike, heavily.  Again, for those of you who have been following, you know how much trouble I have had with the Bengali hair I purchased from Ray, who swore on his toupee that it was the cat's meow.

But, I wound up looking more like a mangy dog half the time.

The hair was horrible!  It's the worst hair I've ever bought in my entire adult life. Personally, I recommend Extensions Plus, here in LA, and am eager to try Dream Girls Fine Hair Imports, as well.

Ray proceeded to tell me I have no right to voice my opinion in public (Hello, have we met?) and that I should have come to him, only, with any complaints I may have had.

Okay...but I did that.

When I used Ray's shampoo and conditioner, it dried out my hair.  I told him this and his reply was, "Impossible!"

Impossible, though?

Then, when Ray RUINED my bangs and asked me, weeks later, who did that to my hair and I assured him no one else had been cutting my hair, he denied having done it.

Okay.  I guess scissor-wielding leprechauns snuck into my room and butchered my hair while I was asleep.

Got it.

Now, Ray is telling me  that it's my fault the product dried out my hair, that I wasn't "using it correctly." User error –– because shampooing and conditioning hair is f*cking rocket science.

I explained to Ray that I had come to him when I was dissatisfied and had always been shut down, so I saw no reason to keep trying to talk to him about his mistakes.  These are not personal attacks, but my opinion on serviced rendered.  Also, I am more than allowed to voice my opinion in any way I deem fit.

And, if he had done good work, there wouldn't be anything negative to say.

Ever.

Ray is great at weave installations, lousy at cutting, great at pressing, but is severely overpriced and his products are garbage.  That's just how I feel, but what I feel may or may not be someone else's reality.

That's why this is my blog –– and not theirs.

So, let me get this straight, Ray –– you ruined my kid's big day at the movies by having us sit for an hour, knowing you had no intensions of doing my hair,  just to boo-hoo about my opinion of bad work you've done?

And to tell me I don't know how to use shampoo?

Stop it. The only reason I came to you is because everyone else was BOOKED solid.  It's the Friday before a major holiday and there are only 2 people in your shop because you suck!

And speaking of suck –– can I get back those antibiotics I gave you for your throat?

Thanks.

**** END OF DRAMA **** END OF DRAMA **** END OF DRAMA ****

I went to see Kacey at Trust Salon, later this afternoon, happy I made the appointment with her while sitting at Ray's.  She was super booked but, because of our longstanding relationship, she squeezed me in.

And I do mean squeezed!

But, as always, I was pleased with the results and she was even able to see me an hour earlier than originally scheduled!  I love Trust because I'm always greeted with a smile, a glass of wine, and a snack. As most people who depend on customer satisfaction and word of mouth in their business, Kacey's motto is that the client is always right and, if ever she makes a mistake, you can always point it out to her and she will bend over backwards to fix it and retain your trust.

As for Transformers 3, I promised to take my kid to the first showing tomorrow morning and apologized to him, on Ray's behalf, for spoiling the day we planned for him. I felt really bad for him, more than anything.

Like I told Ray, we could have just Skyped this little cat fight.

You people must be as irritated with this hair as I am, at this point.  Well, good news!  I'm taking this sh*t out FOR GOOD!

So, I had the hair uninstalled this afternoon and have made an appointment to have my natural hair pressed tomorrow.  But, before I do that,, I'll have to wash and deep condition my hair in the morning.

Naturally, that'll be included in tomorrow's post!

Now, back to what I did today...

On my super duper private Facebook page, I have declare July a new make-over month and I decided I would get a head start since I have been so sick of myself lately.

This is how I'm ending my day –– as a Power Puff Girl.

Earlier, I managed to have my nails, feet, and eyebrows cleaned up...

This nail polish is one of my faves by OPI called, Light My Sapphire and my eyebrows are f*cking perfect.

More of the hair drama tomorrow.  I have a feeling we'll be going through this all friggin' summer.

So, I wanted to take a few days before I posted about a recent decision I made to become a pescetarian (one who does not eat meat with the exception of fish).

As I cruise into my mid thirties, I have begun to think about my longterm health and the effects the consumption of certain meats can have and is having on my system.

Four years ago, I cut most dairy from my diet and have not been sick, since. I am also careful to limit my intake of processed food and very rarely visit fast food restaurants.  As is clear in this blog, I am an avid cook and baker and prefer to do so and use fresh foods when doing so.

So, back to my new diet decision...

I am still playing around with a new set of recipes that are all about fish, fruits, vegetables, and grains. This is what I've done so far:

Cod in a lemon, butter, dill, white wine sauce over a bed of greens with a medley of fruit (pears, apples, kiwi) topped with a red wine vinaigrette.

A bed of greens with the aforementioned fruit medley as well as avocado and mushroom, topped with red wine vinaigrette.

I am going to become more accustomed to my new diet and post recipes as I think of new ones.

I sit here, in my bed, sipping wine, with less than 2 hours until my next meeting. I'm not even a little bit ready and Drake is singing some shit to me about Trust Issues.

I don't even like Drake!

I'm emailing back and forth with Necole about my great escape. Wait...

"...I don't trust these bitches...they might catch me slippin'...so, you're the only one..." Drake goes on.

So, anyway, I'm emailing Necole and sipping.  I feel good but I smell bad –– I should shower, but I won't.  I know I won't.  I'll just sit here and think about this great escape.

This Eat Pray Love.

There are only 49 days until SatisFaction is published and I am resenting this slutty, whore of a book more and more everyday and the process it took to pull it all together.

It was like pulling teeth. It was like ripping my heart out.

When this book is born, the Vixen will die and I can't wait.  And I'll have to name these blogs something else. To celebrate, I'm packing up my kid and going on tour –– a voyage of some sort –– in search of why I've loved writing since I was 5 and how the publishing industry managed to kill it for me and how to recover from the torment of not being able to write the sorts of things I really wanted.

All my proposals turned down just to be thrown a bone, later named SatisFaction.

The writer in me feels numb inside, but don't let that stop you from reading it. It's well done, but it's not me.

And Drake just keeps fucking singing.

Right now, Juice Beauty is giving away a free delux Green Apple SPF15 Moisturizer with any purchase.  I have this stuff and love using it under my powder in the warmer months.  This time of year, my make-up routine (when I have to wear it) is super simple.  I guess I'll have to post this routine a bit later today.

Either who...

Visit Juice Beauty for your free moisturizer and, speaking of free, all Juice Beauty products are gluten free!

Seriously, I can't get enough Mochi, all of a sudden.  I'm sure this has something to do with my recent weight gain.  However, buying a box or two of pre-made Mochi a day proves to be an expensive habit and I am seriously considering making these from scratch - very, very soon.

So, for those of you looking to find something wrong with me, here it is...I am addicted to ice cream wrapped in dough.

Oh, the scandal!

I'm not a fan of cake mixes and I absolutely hate, hate, hate that fake ass frosting they sell in the baking aisle at the grocery store.  I don't know what that stuff is but it is not frosting!

Usually, if I feel like a cupcake, I run down to Famous Cupcakes and buy an organic cupcake for around one-million dollars.  Sometimes, however, I'm in the mood to make a simple white cake and frosting from scratch.

So, that's what I did today and here's how I did it:

Using an electric mixer, I creamed these ingredients in a large mixing bowl:

• 1 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup butter

Then, I added:

• 2 eggs (one at a time)
• 2 tsp vanilla extract

In a separate bowl, I blended:

• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1 3/4 tsp baking powder

Then, I slowly added the flour mixture to the mixing bowl while blending with the mixer.  Once all those ingredients were mixed together, I added:

• 1/2 cup milk

The oven was preheated to 350º.  I pored the mixture into a cupcake pan and let bake for 25 minutes.  Now, I overfilled some of my cups -- I know -- but I didn't want to use an uneven number of baking cups.  I would have needed to make 3 more cupcakes in a seperate pan and that was just driving me crazy.

OCD...

Anyway...this is how they came out before they were iced...

And here's how I made the frosting; I creamed together these ingredients:

• 4 oz cream cheese (whipped)
• 4 oz butter

Then, added:

• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

And this is what I ended up with...

I covered the frosting and placed it in the fridge for about an hour, while I got dinner together, then my kid and I frosted the cupcakes.

And all is right in the world.

Umm...

So, looking back at my most recent posts, I have noticed they are mostly about food. I've been cooking and eating more than anything else, which is a sign of happiness, for me. Some people diet when they are happy and eat when they are unhappy.

As usual, I am the complete opposite.

Anywho...

This recipe is super easy and I thought I'd post it because most people I've met say they don't like liver. I fed it to my teenager for the first time and waited for his reaction.

He loved it!

This is how I did it; in a large frying/saute pan, I added:

• one half stick of butter
• a few splashes of Teriyaki marinade
• a pinch of salt
• garlic
• pepper
• one large onion

Saute the onions until transparent, then remove from the pan. Place liver in the pan and brown on both sides until cooked thoroughly. Add a bit more seasoning, if you wish.  I paired this with the left over coconut peas and rice from a few nights before. I found the sweetness of the rice balanced out the natural gamey flavor and texture of cow's liver.

Just in case you are in the market for something new, visit Bluefly's sale, today.

Tomorrow marks the countdown to the last 60 days before SatisFaction is published. When I started this blog, I pointed out the transformation one can expect when I'm getting ready for a new project to launch.

There's a lot to do and we're just getting started but, I have to admit, I am more focused on my television project.  I'm looking forward to being able to be somewhat anonymous and not have to be the spokesperson for a project.

In the interim, my team has been releasing docu-clips for you all to enjoy and discuss.  It seems, however, some of you are not as familiar with the English language as one should be, here is America, and are under the impression I said something I did not. So, let me clear this up...

I never said, in the docu-clip, that Confessions of a Video Vixen was fabricated. I said, "...the vixen does not exist...it was all fabricated", in reference to the persona that was created to sell that brand.  I would have been sued if Confessions was based on lies and my publisher, HarperCollins ( a News Corp. company owned by Rupert Murdock), and their legal department, took great care in vetting this project, making sure everything written is well documented and proven to be true.

I apologize for assuming everyone is capable of understanding simple English or has access to common sense.

SatisFaction is my last book and I don't feel the need to perform. This season of my life is coming to a close and I am looking forward to the new season and to continuing my writing career, away form the public eye.

In the meantime, there are lots more docu-clips to come and who knows what else! I've taken a two year break and this old bird's gotta get back to work!

So, I didn't want to make the same ol' pork chops, today. Nope, no way.

I was in the mood for sauce!

But, first, I seasoned my pork chops with:

• seasoned salt
• pepper
• garlic
• dill

Then added a pat of butter to each chop before placing them in the oven to broil.

While that was browning, I dug inside my cabinets and threw together a few ingredients to make a sauce.  This is what I came up with:

• one half stick of butter
• salt
• pepper
• garlic
• dill
• 3 tbs mustard
• 5 oz. evaporated milk

I whisked these ingredients together until it looked at tasted like something I wanted to pour on my pork -  and it was delicious!

I had a few left over baby golden potatoes in the fridge so I just popped those in the microwave and threw them on the plate. I loved this dish and the makeshift sauce was super yummy.  I went back for seconds...

Back home, in St. Thomas, coconut peas and rice were a staple growing up.  However, the "peas" are actually kidney beans. I'm sure there is an actual recipe and if I took the time to call my grandmother, she may be able to give me a rough estimate of measurements but, not everything has to be an exact science.  I often wing it when I cook, unless the recipe is unfamiliar to me.

Either who, the rice is fairly simple.

• Fill a quart pan with water (according to the amount of rice you'd like to make)
• Empty one can of coconut milk into the water and bring to a boil
• Add sugar to taste
• Add instant white rice
• Add one can of kidney beans

This recipe is good for a half quart of rice, which lasts for days and days.  Double the coconut milk and the beans if making a full quart.  Also, my grandmother would put me over her knee if she knew I was using instant rice and canned beans.  If you love being in the kitchen for two days soaking beans and long grain rice, be my guest, but I have other sh*t to do.

• Cover the rice and let simmer until cooked, dry, and fluffy.

Now, there is nothing easier than making fried plantains.

• Heat 2" of oil in a large frying pan on medium heat
• Cut a ripe, YELLOW plantain into slices
• Place plantain slices into oil and fry slowly until brown, being sure to turn the slices so they brown evenly

• Place plantains on paper towel when cooked and sprinkle with course Kosher salt

Now, for the steak.

• Season steak with seasoned salt, garlic, and pepper
• Sprinkle steak or teriyaki sauce on the steak and on the bottom of the baking pan
• Add pats of butter
• Place in the oven and broil until cooked to your desired temperature

This is the finished plate...

Further proof that a "Vixen" knows how to cook in every room of the house.  POW!

So, I haven't been posting any food photos from my Vixen Kitchen because I haven't really been cooking –– and, when I do cook, it's nothing spectacular.  I've been doing alot of eating out, in fact, and have gained about 15 pounds in the interim...

This is what it looks like...

POW!

BANG!

BOOM!

There are plenty of men who love boney women....but I don't know any of those men!